The More I Love You
by StrawberiPai
Summary: Kurt and Scott have been together for nearly six months, but once the physical part of their relationship begins to bloom, Kurt is too afraid and tries to change himself. “It’s bad enough I’m blue and fuzzy… I can’t do anything about that!” Slash, Anoreci
1. Chapter 1

The More I Love…

Summery: Kurt and Scott have been together for nearly six months, but once the physical part of their relationship begins to bloom, Kurt is too afraid and tries to change himself. "It's bad enough I'm blue and fuzzy… I can't do anything about that!" (Warnings: Slash (MalexMale), Bulimia, Anorexia, and general Angst.)

* * *

"Okay kids, let's get started!!" 

Kurt looked up to his gym teacher, Ms. Kelly. She was standing in front of the class wearing her usual sweatpants and t-shirt, hands on her hips and eyeing them all dangerously. She had to command respect with this class. She was good at gaining their respect, too. Most people thought she was a jerk, but if you did what she asked, she was actually pretty nice. For a gym teacher, she was pretty young, and had no muscle whatsoever.

She started the class with stretches, and once Kurt realized what they were doing, he let his attention drift once more, while doing the stretches of course. He only paid _just_ as much attention to the class as needed to know what stretches they were doing as he cocked his head to the side, staring at the boy sitting three spots away from him. Even though he's great at sports, and was a senior, he still had to attend gym, because at his old school they only needed one year, while at this school you needed two years. So, as a result, he was now in Kurt's gym class. Neither one of them could complain, though. They only had a few classes together. Gym, German (Kurt was in the high class, duh), and Computer Applications 103.

Scott always looked so cute. He normally wore a huge blue sweater and those thin brown pants, but now he was forced to wear gym shorts that came to his knees and a red tank. They all had to wear them, including Kurt. He didn't like them. It was harder to keep his tail tucked it, was all. Since the six months they had been dating, Kurt noticed that Scott's hair had grown about an inch. So it just barely grazed the bottom of his sunglasses. Kurt wished he could see his boyfriends eyes with his hair like that… It must be so sexy without his glasses… But hell, Scott looked sexy no matter what.

After the stretches, the all had to run five laps outside. Kurt hated running, but he did it anyway. He wanted to impress Scott. So he ran as fast as he could. But he wasn't a runner, honestly, and at his best he could just _barely_ keep up with Scott. But that was good enough, because Scott was the fastest runner in the class. Once they were side by side, Scott smirked a bit, and out of the edge of his eye, Kurt saw his hand move. The elf moved his hand and grabbed the contents of his hand. It was a note, Kurt knew it. They had come up with the system when they first found out they were in the same class that summer. Kurt kept a pencil in his pocket, as well.

After they were done running, they had to sit down on the ground around the teacher, Kurt opened the note, and smiled.

_Half day!_

_Wanna eat after school?_

_Burgers, Tacos, or Pizzas?_

It was obvious Kurt was meant to circle one, and he put a circle around the 'Tacos'. They both had the exact same three favorite foods, so he didn't have to worry about whether or not Scott would want it. He wrote a small message at the bottom of the note, as well.

_Meet behind the gym?_

_Or by the Maco Tell?_

He scooted closed to Scott, and passed him the note. Scott read it, and smiled, pointing to behind the gym. Kurt moved closer, and wrote on the paper.

_You sure? Someone might see us._

Scott smiled, and nodded again, taking the note and pulling a pencil out of his pocket. He turned, and Kurt huffed a bit, mocking anger. Before Scott could pass him the note back, however, they all stood up and ran out into the playing field. Kurt didn't even know what games they were playing, but soon found out they had a choice between Ultimate Frisbee and Football. Scott came over; handing him the note, which Kurt quickly tucked in his pocket because people were watching. Then he looked up at the elder boy's sunglasses, where his eyes were hiding behind.

"So which one are you doing?" Scott asked.

"Ze one… Zat _doesn't_ require being pummeled by large men… You?"

"Whichever one you are doing." Scott said, running his hand down Kurt's arm while no one was looking. Kurt trembled a bit, his spine shaking at Scott's touch, but then he pulled away.

"Don't do zat." He begged. He hated it and loved it at the same time when Scott touched his fur. It felt _so_ good… But it made him feel like… a monster at the same time. Of course, he never told Scott this. He didn't want to make Scott feel bad. "We're in _public_."

"Oh come on… No ones watching." Scott said, moving closer. "Just one kiss?"

Kurt crossed his arms a bit, rubbing the spot where Scott had touched him up and down. Feeling the fur that covered his arms.

"Meet me in the bathroom later… But not now… not here…" he said, trying not to look too anxious _or_ embarrassed, even though he was both.

"Okay, I'll go in first, you come in thirty seconds after, kay?" Scott asked.

"Ja…" Kurt whispered, scooting away a bit, but looking at Scott in the eyes (sunglasses).

Scott smiled, and they headed over to the left side of the gym, where the others were picking teams for Ultimate Frisbee. Kurt and Scott got in line, and Scott was chosen only a few seconds later. Next was Duncan (The loser who Scott completely hated), and then Scott picked Kurt, which Kurt was _very_ grateful for. Because he didn't look that big, he was never chosen in sports, even though Ultimate Frisbee was _perfect_ for him, being flexible and dexterous as he was. But that didn't really matter. Still, it felt good to be picked during the first half then the last. He had never been chosen LAST exactly, but he sure well did come damn close to it, and it wasn't a great feeling. Once the game started, Kurt and Scott didn't talk much. Mostly because Duncan was on the other team. If he hadn't been, Scott probably wouldn't have been so competitive and would have been calm and cool like normal. Kurt couldn't say that he didn't mind, of course, because after the game began, it seemed like their promise for 'one kiss' was all but forgotten. But then Scott looked over his shoulder guilt fully at Kurt, who didn't feel like playing much, and just tried to stay out of the way. And he threw the Frisbee to another player and went into the bathroom. Kurt smiled, and for a moment thought that maybe he just shouldn't go in at all. But only for a moment. He headed into the bathroom thirty seconds after Scott, as planned, and saw Scott standing by the sink.

"Sorry about that." Scott said abruptly, jumping up and running to Kurt, planting a kiss on his cheek. "He just rubs me the wrong way."

"It's okay." Kurt said, walking over to the sinks, but not making eye-contact with Scott and using a semi-cold voice.

"_Please_ don't be mad. It's not like I completely forgot about you, Kurt." He said, moving over to the sinks and running his hand down Kurt's arm again. The elf flinched and pulled away, but then moved closer and kissed Scott on the lips, to show him that he wasn't too mad.

"I was just vorried that you vould… Forget, I mean." Kurt said, looking up with puppy-dog eyes.

"Never, cutie." Scott said, keeping one hand on one side of the sink while taking the other and putting it around Kurt onto the other side of the sink, thus pinning the elf down. Then he nibbled a bit on Kurt's ear playfully. Kurt giggled, but pushed Scott away. Scott looked bitter. "What did I do now?"

"Nothing." Kurt said, pushing his hair behind his ear and looking at Scott. He tried to cover his blushing by kissing Scott right on the lips. "You were just a little off-target."

Scott smiled and patted Kurt's head playfully, messing up his hair. Kurt just stuck his tongue out, turning around to fix his hair in the mirror.

"We should probably get going back to class." Scott said. "I'll pass the Frisbee your way some more, okay?"

Kurt just nodded, and Scott left first. If they both left at the same time, someone would catch on.

Scott kept his promised and passed the Frisbee towards Kurt a few times before class ended and they had to circle around the teacher again. But of course, Kurt wasn't paying attention to the teacher. Kurt was paying attention to Scott paying attention to the teacher.

After class, Kurt went to change. Unlike the rest of the guys, he took a private stall for both his shower and putting his clothes on. Hey, they would notice the tail, right? Whenever Scott was pretending to be a perv for fun, he would suggest that they share a stall, saying that he didn't mind the tail. This usually got Kurt to playfully poof himself and Scott out of the locker room, then quickly teleport himself back in. Just to get the message across. Scott NEVER made the mistake of saying pervy things while only wearing a towel EVER again, that's for sure.

After he was all changed, Kurt grabbed his bag and left out the back door a minute earlier then he was actually supposed to, but no one cared. A minute later Scott came out the same door, and Kurt smiled at him, happy that they were going on a 'date'.

They talked all the way to the Maco Tell. About stupid things. Grades, school, the crazy people they lived with. Kurt loved how they could just… TALK about things… He also loved it when Scott's arm found it's way around his waist. No one they knew was around to see, anyway. And now that he was wearing his normal clothes, Scott couldn't feel his fur. Kurt moved closer to him, driving Scott crazy by rubbing his hips against Scott's hips.

Once they were at the taco place, Scott took out his wallet and pulled out twenty bucks.

"What do you want?" he asked with a smile.

Kurt looked up, knowing that this was Scott's way of being chivalry. Paying for his date's food. It took a moment of pause for Kurt to decide whether to take advantage of this or not by eating a truckload of food. In the end, he decided against it, since Scott was being so nice. He paid for all their dates, of course… But every single time, the thoughts were tempting. He had given into them a few times, but it really wasn't any fun, since Scott only gave him a smirk and paid for it anyway. Kurt ordered two tacos, a coke, and some fries to munch on, then Scott asked him to go pick out a table to eat at. Kurt did so, choosing one away from the windows and out of the way so that hopefully if anyone they knew came by they wouldn't see them. He sat down on one side, and didn't have to wait long before Scott sat down on the other, juggling both of their foods.

"Thank you." Kurt said, taking his load so that Scott didn't have to try to unload it all by himself.

Scott sat down and stole one of Kurt's fries. Kurt didn't mind, even though he did make a face. He liked it when Scott did that kind of stuff. As they ate, they talked about random things, and somehow the conversation turned to gym class.

"So do you have a swimsuit?" Scott asked, sounding completely off-topic.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked after swallowing a bite of taco.

"A swimsuit? For next class?"

"You've lost me…"

"Ms. Kelly was talking about it at the end of class, weren't you paying attention?"

"Do I _ever_?" Scott sighed and put his hand on his forehead as Kurt stared blankly at him.

"We are swimming in class tomorrow, and a few classes after that." He explained. "We can bring our own suits if we want, and since you have the whole 'tail' situation, we should probably get yours special and have Professor tweak it a bit."

Kurt looked down at his taco and up at Scott, who was smirking.

"Come on. You, me, swimsuit shopping." He said with a smile. "It'd be great…"

"No, I don't think so." Kurt said.

"What?" Scott asked, surprised that he was turned down. "Why not?"

"I can get one myself." Kurt said.

"What's wrong?" Scott asked, knowing he had probably done something wrong, but not knowing what.

"I've…. Never vorn a swimsuit before….." Kurt admitted, lowering his head and letting his hair fall in his face. "It's not like… Anyone would give a furry guy a swimsuit, you know?"

Scott was in shock. Well of course Kurt never wore a swimsuit before. He hadn't had the watch before… But he still could have worn one. Scott suddenly wished he hadn't brought it up at all. But hey, if Kurt had never worn a bathing suit before, that meant he didn't HAVE one yet. So maybe the chance to go shopping for swimsuits with him, right?

Kurt looked completely deflated. Like he wasn't _enough_ of a freak. Seventeen and he still had never worn a swimsuit. He tried to keep his head low so that Scott couldn't see his cheeks, which were red. He was preparing for Scott to laugh at him. But it didn't come. Instead, he felt a hand on his own and looked up to see Scott staring at him.

"Don't worry about it." Scott said. "I'll help you pick one out on Friday, okay? Next gym class, just tell her you feel sick. We can get the Professor to fix it so your tail won't stick out on Saturday, all right?"

"It's not just…" Kurt shook his head. "….I can't… swim, either…"

At this, Scott smiled.

"We have a pool at the institute. I can teach you once we have your suit, okay?" Scott said helpfully. "It'll all be fine, Kurt. You aren't a freak for not being able to swim. Tons of people can't."

Kurt smiled, but he didn't look that reassured. He leaned forward, and pressed his lips against Scott's softly.

"I love you." Scott said, once Kurt broke the kiss and sat back down.

"Ich liebe dich, auch." Kurt replied, and Scott knew exactly what he was saying. Not just because he was taking German class, either, but because he heard the words spoken so often from Kurt. "I think we should head back now, zey might worry."

* * *

Okay, my first X-Men Evolution (Or X-Men PERIOD) fanfiction ever had finished it's first chapter! And hopefully it won't be the last!! Review for me, would you loves? I worked really hard on it!! Well, except for Maco Tell or whatever…. That took NO imagination on my part. You'll see that Kurt's accent floats in and out… Well… I only use it when A: You can tell what he's saying WITH the accent (Because sometimes it's just plain harder to read with the accent. Or B: Kurt is feeling strong emotion so the accent is thicker. Anyway! That's my story!! It'll get better, I swear it! Love you all! Bye bie! 


	2. Chapter 2

_The More I Love…_

Chapter Two

Scott and Kurt walked together back home, and when no one was around, there hands found one another. Kurt nearly jumped a mile when he felt the warmth of Scott's palm, and nearly pulled away. But Scott wouldn't let go, despite Kurt's instincts to jump away, and so Kurt wrapped his three short fingers around Scott's hand, looking at the ground with his face flushing. His hands may look normal, because of the watch, but now Scott could feel how abnormal they were, and Kurt didn't like it. But he couldn't just pull away from Scott… He liked touching Scott…. He just didn't like Scott touching him. It just… wasn't **fair**.

Once they were in view of the mansion, however, Kurt didn't have to worry, because they were forced to separate their hands so they wouldn't be spotted. One final kiss before they entered the mansion was all Kurt had to ask for, and Scott happily obliged. And then, they went inside. Scott had to go to the danger room to train with Jean (To which Kurt tried not to make a face) and so the blue elf decided to go to his room.

He turned on the soundtrack to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and fell onto his bed on his back, tucking his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. He was just trying to hold onto the feeling Scott's lips had on his… But no matter how hard he tried, the thought of doubt were overcoming his happy feelings.

The whole bathing suit business was really getting to him. He had never worn one before, like he had told Scott. Hell, he'd never even worn a pair of shorts in public. He liked being fully covered most on the time. Whether it was a cloak, or a watch along with a few layers of clothing, he had always taken special care that no one could see him or feel him. But now Scott was… Trying to touch him… Or so it would seem. Running his hand down his arm, down the side of his face, holding his hand… All things Kurt hated and enjoyed at the exact same time.

'_Möglicherweise sollte ich… Ich bedeute, Badeanzüge bedecke nicht viel… Möglicherweise kann ich Ms Kelly bitten lasse mich noch etwas tun, während sie sind alle Schwimmen…_ (Maybe I should… I mean, bathing suits don't cover much… Maybe I can beg Ms. Kelly to let me do something else while they're all swimming…)_'_ he thought. _'Ich bedeute, was über den pelz?! Was, wenn ich pelz verschüttete? Ich bedeute, wird er geschehen nie vor, aber… _(I mean, what about the fur?! What if I shed fur? I mean, it's never happened before, but…)_'_

He looked up at his computer and teleported to his chair and turned on the computer. It only took a few minutes to log on, and then another second or two for it to connect to the wireless server that filled the institute, but once he was on, he opened up explorer and went onto google. He clicked images, and looked up guy's bathing suits. . . . He didn't like what he saw.

'_Müssen sie sie so klein bilden?_ (Do they have to make them so small?)_'_ he thought angrily. _'Ich _konnte tragen abnutzung eine_, wenn…_ (I could wear one if…)_'_

He sighed, lowering his head a bit, and turning off his computer bitterly. He couldn't _wear_ one of those! His eyes flickered to the mirror for a few seconds, looking at his human form, and then down at the watch Professor X had given him. He sighed, and lowered his head.

"If it veren't for zis damn vatch, Scott vouldn't vant me at all…" He said, once again running his hand on the opposite arm, were Scott hand touched him. "If I looked like my normal self… He vould just see a monster."

Scott barely ever took off the watch anymore. Before, he would turn it off whenever he was around the other mutants. Now, he hardly EVER turned it off. Kitty was afraid of him when he was blue, and everyone else… He just didn't like people seeing his mutant form. Especially not Scott. He even wore the watch during their missions now.

He sighed. When HAD he last turned it off? At least a week ago… And that was only while he slept… When he woke up, he turned it back on instantly. That watch was the best thing that ever happened in his life, as far as he was concerned. It was the only reason Scott even looked his way; it let him blend in… No one stared, or tried to kill him.

He stood up, turning off his computer, and walked over to the mirror. When he was in human form, he decided he didn't look _that_ bad. Maybe a little awkward, but no worse then some of the kids who are actually _human_ that I had seen in their school. Maybe a bit chubby, but with how much he ate on a normal basis that wasn't much of a surprise.

His hand twitched towards his watch. A little afraid of what he might see, he closed his eyes while the watch turned off. Kurt was always sensitive about his looks, despite how well he hid it. He would hide behind jokes every day, so much so that it was a rare occasion when he told anyone how he was really feeling. Even with Scott he would joke the pain away.

When he finally did open his eyes he knew exactly what he saw. A freak.

'_Wie kann ich "dieser"?'_ (How can I fix 'this'?) he asked himself, looking in the mirror. _'Ich bin blau und weich. Ich kann nicht lösen ... Aber habe ich immer …'_(I'm blue and fuzzy. I can't solve that... But have I always been…)

He pulled off his shirt, looking at himself as if he didn't recognize it. Part of him didn't. He'd been in his human form so long that he barely ever saw himself in his natural state.

'_Wenn Sie können diesen "natürlichen"' _(If you can call this 'natural') Kurt thought to himself. He was looking close at the full-body mirror, wondering.

'_Ich habe gewonnen Gewicht ... Ich muss.'_ (I've gained weight… I must have.) he told himself, pinching his stomach. He got two fingers full of fur and skin, but he saw something else, fat.

"Vat if Scott…" Kurt thought out loud, looking at the ground. He laughed at himself. "I'm acting like an idiot. I'm fine. I exercise every day!"

Satisfied, he turned his watch back on, looking at his, now human, reflection. He smiled a bit, and studied himself for a few extra seconds.

"Maybe I'll lay off the taco's for a bit…" he said, smiling sadly and throwing back on his shirt. "It can't hurt to lose a little weight."

He looked away from the mirror and turned off his computer before getting ready to do his homework. Tomorrow was Friday, and he had already guarantied with Scott's help that he wasn't participating in gym, so that left History (European), English, and Biology. He had gym every day, but the rest of the classes switched every other day. The other day he had Computer Applications, Geometry, and German. He didn't really like his English class, mostly because it wasn't even his first language in the first place. His teacher was constantly calling on him and making him read out loud.

He took out the book he was meant to be reading and teleported to his bed, landing on his back and turning to the page he was on. He spent the next half hour getting through the chapter, and was about ten pages from the end of it when there was a knock on the door.

"It's open!" he called, and Scott let himself into Kurt's bedroom. Kurt put his book down and smiled. "Scott! I thought you vere training."

"We wrapped it up pretty quick." Scott said, walking over to the bed. "What are you up too?"

"Nothing much." Kurt said honestly "Homevork."

Scott nodded and leaned back on his bed and Kurt just smirked.

"I talked to the Professor. He says he can fix a swimsuit for you for gym." he said.

"Oh… Great." Kurt said, not very thrilled. Scott picked up on it.

"You all right?" he asked.

"Fine." Kurt said, looking down at the ground. "I just don't like the swimming idea."

Scott thought he knew what the problem was. He sat up and moved closer to Kurt, touching his arm. Kurt flinched, but didn't pull away. He silently wished he had worn a long sleeve shirt, but it was too hot for something like that.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you over the weekend. It's really not that hard." he said. "You'll pick it up in no time."

Kurt nodded, and smiled. Scott had no idea what was _actually_ wrong, and that was fine with him. He was still being unbelievably sweet. He rewarded him with a small kiss on the lips.

"Don't let me drown." he said. He had to admit, he was a bit scared of drowning.

"Never." Scott promised, working for another kiss. Kurt slyly stood up. He wasn't being mean, he was just using his kisses sparingly.

Kurt walked over to the window, looking out. He was still worried.

"Is… Do you think my vatch is vaterproff?" he asked, not looking at Scott.

"Of course." Scott said, smiling. "Professor X would make sure of that."

He stood up to join Kurt by the window, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's hips. Kurt jumped a bit and turned. He felt nervous with Scott's arms around him. The minute he was turned all the way around Scott kissed him on the lips.

'_Küssen mir ... Muss wie ein Hund zu küssen.' _(Kissing me… must be like kissing a dog.) Kurt thought. He hated the idea, but once it was in his head it wouldn't leave. He wondered if Scott ever thought that.

"Scott…" Kurt mumbled, and he saw his boyfriends eyebrow quirk. "I vas vondering…"

He trailed off, he wanted to ask Scott about his weight, or his fur, or why in the world Scott would chose him over Jean, who was the most beautiful girl in school. But somehow he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

"What is it Kurt?" Scott asked.

"Never mind." Kurt replied, smiling up at Scott. "I'm just tired."

"If you want to lay down, I could leave." Scott offered, trying to be helpful.

"No." Kurt replied almost instantly. "I vant you to stay.""Alright." Scott walked over to the bed and leaned back. He grabbed the remote. "Wanna watch something?"

Kurt smiled and walked over sitting next to Scott and nodding. He wasn't sure what he wanted to watch, but he was fine with anything really. He and Scott pushed back to the pillows on his bed and leaned back.

Kurt was asleep before he even found out what they ended up watching.

When Kurt was up he found himself close up against something warm, but he didn't care enough to open his eyes to find out what it was. He was spread eagle on his bed, except one side of his body was on top of something warm. Finally when he was gaining back a bit of consciousness he realized it must be Scott. He opened his eyes just a little and smiled up at him.

"Hey." Scott said, noticing his bedmate was awake.

"How long have I been out?" Kurt asked.

"About an hour."

Kurt turned his head and looked out the window to confirm the time, but he never got around to that because something caught his eye. Something blue. He flexed.

"You turned my vatch off?" he asked nervously.

"I thought it might run out of batteries if you left it on." Scott said, not noticing that Kurt was nervous.

Kurt decided not to make a scene, even though he was extremely worried. He was happy that Scott was looking at him when he woke up, but his watch was off… Maybe Scott was looking at him for all the wrong reasons. Most boyfriends would watch their loved one sleep and think about how much they loved them or how cute they looked, but if Kurt was in his normal state… Scott could have been thinking any sort of thing. Kurt sat up and flicked his watch on casually.

"You don't have to vorry about zat." he said, looking at his hands. Five fingers, just like any normal person would have. "I change the batteries every week. They're fine."

Scott looked over, but he wasn't smiling now.

"Do you leave it on when you sleep?" he asked. Kurt shrugged.

"Sometimes." he said honestly.

"Why?" Scott asked. "I mean you don't have to have it on in the mansion at all."

"I just vant it on." Kurt said, standing up. He didn't want to go into this. "It's no big deal."

"It kinda is, Kurt." Scott said, standing up as well. "You need to give it a break once in awhile."

"Fine." Kurt said, getting frustrated. "I'll turn it off ven I go to sleep from now on. Can ve just drop it?"

Scott must have sensed Kurt's hostility. Either that or he was just satisfied with that answer, because he did let the subject drop. Kurt found himself angry. He knew he shouldn't. Scott had a good reason for turning off his watch, he just really didn't want Scott to see him like that.

"I'm going to go take a shower." Kurt said, looking up at the sky. In the hour that he'd been asleep they sky had grown darker.

Scott nodded, but seemed completely oblivious that anything was bothering his friend.

"Okay." he said. "So see you at dinner?"

Scott nodded. They all had to eat dinner together. Not always, just every Thursday and Tuesday. They used to do it on Friday's, but that became to hectic when the young mutants started entering the dating world. Kurt grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom. The student-to-bathroom ratio was about 3-1, so Kurt and most of the other male mutants found it easier to take showers at night, and the girls would take them in the mornings. That made things a heck of a lot simpler.

Once he was in the bathroom the first thing he did was lock the door. Even that didn't leave all too much privacy, since Kitty could walk right through it, but he trusted that she wouldn't. She usually used doors when it came to bathrooms ever since she walked in on Rouge showering.

Kurt turned on the shower before taking off his clothes, since he liked it really hot, and then grabbed a towel and hung it on the shower door. Finally, when the room was already half-filled with steam, he started removing his clothes. He didn't look at the mirror the whole time, and then when he was completely nude, he took off his watch. He was going to jump right into the shower, but he eyes caught the mirror and he frowned.

He new he was furry, and blue. But with his clothes off, he could see himself as a whole. His strange 'legs', three fingers on each hand.

"Disgusting…" he mumbled, looking away from the mirror and stepping into the shower.

He washed himself off, and when he came out he grabbed a towel and dried off. He once thanks gods that he had short hair on his body, because if it were any longer he would smell like a wet dog after showers. Sometimes the little things have to get you through.

He sighed and avoided looking at the mirror when he was done, even though it was steamed up well enough that he wouldn't have seen himself anyway. There was a knock on the door and Kurt instinctively teleported to the shower stall.

"Ja?" He asked.

"Hey Kurt!" It was Scott. "Professor wanted me to tell you dinner's in fifteen."

"Thanks!" Kurt called back, closing his eyes. He was tired. "I'll see you there!"

Scott's footsteps faded and Kurt stepped out of the shower a second time. This time, however, he _did_ catch his reflection. He grabbed his watch and turned it on before even putting on his clothes.

* * *

_I'm SOOOOO sorry this chapter took so long. It's unforgivable. I kind of… You know… Forgot about this entire site for a year… -.- I'll make it up to you guys I swear!  
_


	3. Chapter 3

The More I Love You

Chapter 3

* * *

For the rest of the night, Kurt tried to push any thoughts of looks out of his head. While his watch was on, and he was wearing his loose t—shirt, it wasn't hard. He felt safe hidden behind an illusion of normality. Dinner went the same as always, with Kurt sitting opposite of Scott but getting absolutely no attention from his actual boyfriend. Kurt had to try very hard not to be bitter about it.

Kurt knew that Scott wanted to keep their relationship a secret, and he had a very good reason, obviously. Neither one of them had come out to their friends; even though Kurt was ready to come out, Scott wasn't. Kurt understood, but... Sometimes Scott tried so hard to hide their relationship that Kurt felt like they weren't even allowed to be _friends_ around others. Kurt just settled his jealousy with some mashed potatoes and butter and tried to ignore the looks Jean was shooting at Scott, but he couldn't help but feel insecure, knowing Scott was bi, not gay.

They had training after dinner. A grueling one. Kurt hated training. Besides his acrobatic skills he didn't have much to help the other members of his team, and even though he tried his best he always ended up being the only one who screwed up. This time went better than most, until the very end.

The job was to find the hostage (this time being Storm) and get her out before the roof came in. The only villains where supposed to be the robotic arms which would try to do the normal stabbing, crushing and general mayhem. Kurt helped the others get through be teleporting them away from danger, and then Jean took over and said she'd use telepathy to lower him down to grab Storm and get out without alerting the robots.

It was one simple sentence that brought his insecurity back. Jean was lowering him in, having problems as she usually did, when she grunted.

"Jeez Kurt, cut back on the burgers, alright?"

It was a small remark, and Kurt actually chuckled and just replied with a comment about how good American food is, and it wasn't until afterwords that the remark sunk in a bit deeper, as he was going to bed.

After training he and Scott didn't have much contact, since that was when Scott did his homework. Usually Kurt would just kid around with the other members of the house, play some pranks or just hang out with Spike, but right now he wasn't in the mood as he reflected on what Jean had said.

"Was I really that much heavier than before?" he asked out loud, laying on his back on the bed. "She's always said things like that when she lowers people down with her powers, but this time it was different..."

That was slightly true. Usually when Jean made a comment, it was along the lines of 'why are you so heavy' or along that note. This time she implied (however accidentally) that he was heavier than last time. Kurt sighed and put his hand on his stomach.

"Margali warned me that American food would make me gain weight... I just thought she vas joking."

With that Kurt took off his shirt, wondering if his fears were based on fact. He had a full-sized mirror in his closet (they all did, the mirrors where in the rooms when the mutants arrived) and he walked over to it. He opened the door and stared at his reflection.

He had kept his watch on, so he appeared human, but he frowned either way. He cringed as in his minds eye he saw something disgusting, even if it was human. He saw a big stomach on the unfamiliar reflection. One that an accomplished acrobat shouldn't have. It wasn't just pudgy in his mind, it was bigger than that. It was _fat_.

Kurt shuddered as he thought of that word, wondering if he was overreacting. But as he stared at his reflection, he knew he wasn't. He bit his lip and turned off the watch, seeing what Scott saw when he was sleeping earlier.

The creature inside the mirror was not the cute, lanky mutant that Scott and the others saw, however. He was twisted and uglier in Kurt's world. This thing was disgusting; ugly, fat, and deformed. No one would want to touch him, not looking this way...

"Why didn't I notice already?" he asked aloud. Kurt slammed the door shut.

Without even bothering putting his shirt back on, or even flipping on his watch which was very unlike him, Kurt crawled under the blanket of his bed. He brought one knee up to his chest and tried to ignore the fact that his eyes where slowly becoming moist.

_'Maybe it's not the end of the world...'_ he tried to convince himself. _'Maybe Scott doesn't know... I wear layers, and I don't let him touch me much... There's a chance that he hasn't realized that I'm...'_

He let his thoughts trail for a minute, both of his hands on his stomach. Maybe if he weren't so concerned about losing Scott, the extra few pounds wouldn't have tortured him so much.

_'There's no way Scott knows. If he knew, then he would be pushing me three times harder in training... He wouldn't put up with having a fat ass for a boyfriend. Not when he could have anyone else he wanted.'_ Kurt thought, squeezing the skin on his stomach tightly with his nails. He buried his face into the blanket so the tears wouldn't scale down his cheeks. _'Scott is perfect, and he likes everything around him to be perfect too... God knows why he puts up with me already. If he found out I was fat.. He wouldn't put up with that. No way.'_

Kurt sighed and tried to loosen the knot of pain that he had created by thinking such cruel thoughts by breathing slower. Once he relaxed enough that it didn't hurt anymore, he just wanted to go to sleep. He didn't care about anything else, except for his last thought.

_'I will lose weight. I won't lose Scott. I can't.'

* * *

_

The next day Kurt walked to school, he didn't want to teleport everywhere anymore. It was lazy, wasn't it? He would maybe lose some weight and maybe actually get some muscles if he walked. So the blue mutant, currently human, slowly walked to school, which was a good two and a half miles away, his head hung low. Today Scott offered to drive him, too... Kurt told him he'd teleport, Scott smiled and said he better not be late because he stopped for a Breakfast Burger again. Kurt laughed along, but his face flushed and he hadn't lifted his head much since. Another comment about how much he ate didn't make him feel any better.

He arrived at school a few minutes late, and knew that he was going to get into trouble but somehow didn't care. It wasn't as if his teachers didn't already hate him, right? So he threw on a smile and joked his way through a tardy slip and got into class. He paid enough attention that he was able to answer the questions when the teacher called on him, which was a new and intriguing experience.

At lunch he was starving, having skipped breakfast, which he wasn't used to doing. He walked over to the table he shared with the other mutants (Scott, Kitty, Jean, and Spike), and put down his bags. He noticed all the other bags where already sitting on the ground, or in Jeans case on the table as it was very expensive, so they must already have been in line. Kurt paused, and then went up to join them. They were all together, each holding a tray as they walked passed the different foods. Scott and Spike had their trays loaded, while Kitty and Jean had chosen a lighter, but still decent meal.

Kurt got behind them and took a tray as well.

"Hey guys!" he said. He got the normal greetings back and was pleased when Scott actually looked over and smiled at him. For Scott, this was special. It was almost him saying 'I wish I could tell you I love you right now'. But more subtle.

Then he started looking at the food, and got a sinking feeling in his stomach. He'd never been on a diet before. What was he supposed to eat? He wouldn't have a salad. They were gross. But he was starving... His usual lunch consisted of at least two taco's and maybe even a slice of pizza, along with his drink and chips. And yet even thinking about eating all of that made Kurt feel like a pig all over again.

"Earth to Kurt!" Spike said out of the blue. Kurt blinked and turned his head. "Dude you've been staring off into space for like five minutes. Get some food!"

And with that Kurt noticed everyone else had already left with their food, and Spike was already paying for his. The mutant looked over at the food and finally decided one ham sandwich on wheat bread would be good. For a drink, he grabbed some berry-flavored water and he skipped the chips entirely. He looked at his choices with a mixture of pride and melancholy. He then paid for his meal and joined his friends at their table, finding that Scott was sitting next to the only empty seat. Kurt took it with a smile and sat down next to his secret boyfriend, letting his knee tap Scott's. Scott uncharacteristically didn't pull away. He usually did. This only made Kurt a little bit happier. He looked down at his tray, and then at the others. He had the least food. He once again felt that mixture of pride and sadness and took a bite of his meal.

"What's wrong, got a stomachache?" Scott asked while the others where all speaking to each other. Kurt shook his head.

"No. I just... Uhm... Had a big breakfast. Took your advice and stopped for a burger." he said, trying to cover it up. Immediately after he cursed himself.

_'The whole point of this is to make Scott think I'm _not_ a pig, remember?'_ he thought angrily to himself. But it was too late now and Scott was already nodding.

"Warned yah, didn't I?" he said, smiling.

Kurt laughed nervously.

"Guess so." he agreed. He took another bite of his sandwich but suddenly couldn't enjoy the rest of his meager food. It was just a piece of bread and some ham and cheese, and so it was very dry. The feeling in his stomach only made it seem drier as he swallowed. He took a sip of the flavored water, enjoying the taste without any calories.

"And your drinking water, too!" Scott said with amusement. "Forgot your soda?"

Kurt blushed a bit.

"I like this stuff, too." he said defensively. He took another sip, as if to prove that.

Scott quirked an eyebrow but said nothing. The conversation turned and Kurt actually took a large part in it, being the talkative joker he was. When the bell rang they all stood and had to rush to their classes. Kurt threw away the rest of his sandwich with the same mixed feelings he'd had when he bought it, and made a mental note.

_'For lunch, three bites of a disgusting sandwich and a bottle of water.'_ he thought _'That's pretty good, isn't it?'_

Of course no one was in his head to answer him. He decided that it was, in fact, good, and went to class.

The next two days passed with the same general routine, which he started to write in a journal he kept by his computer. He would skip breakfast and walk to school, eat a few bites of a lunch, come home and do homework, and then he might have let himself have a light dinner (depending on who he was with and what he was doing), then training and bed.

Then it was the weekend, and Kurt couldn't be happier as he and Scott met up behind the school. He had a small boost of confidence because he felt a rush from denying himself food. There's no way he hadn't lost weight, right? Not that he'd stepped on a scale, but... Three days with barely any food had to have some sort of affect. He just hoped it was enough.

Scott was already there when Kurt arrived, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. He looked so cute in his blue sweater and sunglasses. Kurt walked up next to him holding his backpack strap with one hand, it slung over his shoulder. Scott smiled and greeted him with a small kiss on the lips. It was hard for Kurt, still, but he did like it and didn't pull away.

"So you ready?"

"For what?" Kurt asked perplexed.

"Remember? We have to get you a swimsuit today so the professor can make it so your tail doesn't show. He also needs to borrow your watch for the weekend to make sure it's safe in water."

Kurt bristled all over. He'd completely forgotten about all this, and suddenly the fear he had before was back, full-throttle. Scott wouldn't want to see him in a swimsuit. No one would. He'd be humiliated. But if he told Scott that, he'd have to admit that he was fat, and then Scott would know. But if they went through with this shopping he _knew_ Scott would want to see the suits and he'd know anyway.

_'And either way he's going to see how gross I am...' _Kurt thought. He was terrified of that idea.

"Maybe... Maybe this iz all more trouble zen it's worth, ja?" he asked quickly. "I could just tell ze teacher I'm sick, she'll buy it and everysing vill be fine."

Scott moved from the wall and looked at Kurt. He could tell the mutant was anxious, his accent always seemed to get thicker.

"Why are you so nervous? I told you I'll teach you how to swim over the weekend. It's really not that hard." Scott said. "You'll pick it up in no time."

Kurt took a step back.

"But... I mean..." he came up blank, not knowing what to say. He didn't want Scott to see him, to be disgusted by how big Kurt assumed he must be. "I just don't vant to, okay?"

Scott shook his head, somewhat defeated.

"Kurt..." he said, reaching out to his boyfriend, but the boy pulled away.

"Someone might see..." Kurt muttered in explanation, and then sighed. "I don't know. I just... I don't vant to learn how to swim. I..."  
Scott blinked and then nodded, reaching out for the boy again and this time pulling him into a soft hug, not caring if anyone saw right now. He saw his boyfriend looking so upset and he wanted to make it better.

"I won't push you. I can understand why your scared. I thought you might be, after..." he sighed. "I mean Rouge told us all about that dream, how you nearly drowned as just a baby. I just didn't think it had this strong an effect on you..."

Kurt flushed, a bit touched in how Scott seemed to care so much about him. But... It wasn't true. Was it okay for Kurt to pretend it was? It wasn't as if what Scott was saying didn't hold some merit, he was kind of nervous about swimming. In reality, though, he had no memory of that point in his life, so isn't it a bit vindictive to let Scott believe it?

But before Kurt had a chance to think about this further, Scott pulled away and smiled at him.

"I'll tell the professor you aren't up for it, okay? He'll write you a note or something." He said. His voice was so kind, Kurt couldn't argue. But he felt so bad for lying, even if it wasn't on purpose.

"Alright." he eventually said. "That's really... Well, thanks."

"It's fine. So what do you want to do instead?" Scott asked. He seemed so cool with all of this that it made Kurt really appreciate his boyfriend. Nothing was ever a huge deal with Scott, or at least not usually. He wasn't a party guy like Kurt was, but he wasn't as high-strung as he used to be, unless there was any form of competition around him.

Kurt shrugged his response. He was really tired, but he didn't want to tell Scott that. He'd been sleeping a lot lately, and he didn't want Scott to think he was lazy or anything. Scott didn't seem to mind the lack of response and they both started walking to his car.

"Want to grab a bite to eat?"

"Nah, I had a big lunch." Came out Kurt's customary response.

"No you didn't." Scott said, stopping in his tracks. "I was there."

Kurt froze for a minute. He usually said that to the others during dinnertime, he had forgotten Scott had been there at lunch. Today he hadn't even grabbed a tray, just some flavored water, but no one had said anything so he hadn't thought anyone had noticed. Apparently Scott had...

"Oh, well... Not at lunch, but in math class. We had a pizza party today, I ate a ton there." he said, shrugging and turning back to the parking lot. "Come on."

Scott paused for a bit but Kurt was already walking, so he started to the car too.

"Want to see a movie?" he offered. "It's nice enough, if we just kill a few hours driving around we could go to the drive-in or something.

Kurt smiled. He was so glad that the conversation had taken a turn, he could have agreed to anything. He'd never been to a drive-in movie before, either.

"Sure!" he said, teleporting into the car once they reached it. "Let's do it!"

Scott started up the car, looking over at his boyfriend. He didn't let it show on his face, but he suddenly had the strangest feeling in his gut that something just wasn't right. Kurt looked as excited as ever, but... He couldn't put his finger on it. Something wasn't okay. But he disregarded the feeling, hoping it was nothing as he started to drive.

AN: Hey guys! It's ALIVE! Sorry for the wait. I had to think this out and figure out where I wanted the story to go! w Scott seems to suspect something now, but like anyone in this situation he is going in the obvious direction. =3 I hope you guys like it! I'm sorry the chapters are beeing put out so infrequently.


	4. Chapter 4

The More I Love You

Chapter 4

* * *

A whole month past and Kurt learned a few things.

The first was he was starting to realize how many comments people made about him. Not just Jean when she was holding him in the air. Everyone seemed to make jokes about him, and Kurt knew that was his own fault. He was the joker of the group after all, he should expect a little bit of comeback. But almost all of those comments seemed to be about his weight or food, especially recently now that he was starting to try to eat less.

They only had dinners together twice a week, and yet in the first week he'd already gotten three comments from Spike, two from Scott, four from Jean and even one from Rouge. In seven measly days Kurt had heard nine comments about his eating habits. All of the were light jokes, obviously, but they stung given his current mindset.

So he had to learn better ways to go about eating. Or to go about _not_ eating, more like. He realized that as long as his plate was mostly empty, everyone noticed. He learned about half-way through his second week that if he filled his plate to the brim with food, people didn't care as much, even if he didn't eat it. The only problem with this is that sometimes he accidentally did eat due to hunger, which made him feel horrible. He would do anything he could to distract people when he was not eating, and he was getting so good at it.

He'd talk, wave his arms around, pass food to people, whatever needed to be done. He read a few websites that gave some really good tricks, like taking a bite when people were actually looking and then spit it into a colored cup. Not that he had to use those tricks often, only with Scott, who seemed to suddenly really take notice of Kurt during meals. Always the questions of whether or not the food tasted good or if he was feeling sick. Kurt was starting to actually get really paranoid.

He had bought a scale, and he hid it under his bed. The first time he actually used it, the numbers where 145. After he read that he went for a 'walk' that lasted for two hours. But slowly but surely over the next month the numbers slowly went down. At the last weigh-in, the numbers where 137. Eight pounds in four weeks gave him an amazing feeling, but he still didn't feel satisfied. He was standing in front of his full-length mirror again, this time fully clothed, but he didn't feel like he had lost any weight at all. He'd barely been eating one meal a day, and yet he still had barely lost any weight.

Scott had started asking him if things were okay a lot, because he wasn't as hyperactive as usual. Kurt just felt so tired all of the time. He told himself it was because his body was used to constant food, and it was his own fault that he let himself become so dependent on having food every second of every day and didn't think much more of it.

Still looking at himself in the mirror, with his clothes as lose as he could find them, he finally lowered his head, mostly in shame. Blue and furry was bad, but this just made it worse. His dieting and exercising with the team obviously wasn't enough, and pretty soon he was positive Scott was going to notice, even if he hadn't tried anything physical for awhile (And Kurt could hazard a guess as to why). Scott was going to dump him, and Kurt could already tell that his friends thought he was a lost cause. Why else would they make fun of him so much?

He was actually supposed to be meeting up with Scott that afternoon after school, for a 'date' type thing. They never really called them dates, since they'd been seeing each other for seven months now and it was more second-nature to hang out whenever they could find time. Kurt was thinking of canceling. He was so nervous.

The last few times they'd gone out, Scott seemed to always want to get something to eat. A few times Kurt had been able to pass off the 'not hungry' excuse but Scott was becoming pretty persuasive. That, on top of the fact that Kurt felt like a whale in his clothes, made him want to just give up on it altogether. He tried changing his shirt, but this one just felt tight and constricting. Finally, Nightcrawler just sighed and grabbed his backpack. What was the point in worrying? It's not like Scott would actually take him anywhere where people would see or recognize them...

_'It's probably best that Scott wants to stay in the closet.' Kurt thought as he left his room and started down the stairs, not teleporting like usual. 'As long as no one knows about us, he doesn't have to be embarrassed by me.'_

Avoiding the kitchen entirely, Kurt was ready to take the side door out of the mansion to keep his friends from seeing him. He shied away from them all, always worried about the next light comment about his weight or his eating habits.

Just then, he felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped a bit, as if he were doing something suspicious. In hindsight, he figured he probably was, but it was okay. Scott was standing behind him with one eyebrow raised.

"Hey... you need a ride?" he asked, smiling at his boyfriend, even though his voice showed that he was slightly confused. Why was Kurt sneaking out the back door? And it was obvious he was sneaking. Kurt wasn't very subtle.

"Uhm, no thanks." Kurt responded with a short wave. "I'd rather walk today."

"You walk everyday. Come on."

Scott grabbed Kurt's wrist and pulled lightly, and Kurt knew enough not to argue. He actually felt really bad... He'd been blowing Scott off a lot lately. His boyfriend always offered to drive him to school, but Kurt thought he needed the exercise.

_'I'll take his ride today, and tomorrow I'll wake up early and take a longer way... That will work.' _he thought as he followed Scott, who was wearing his usual blue sweater with brown pants.

Kurt however hardly ever wore his usual clothes anymore. He still wore his tan cargo pants, but instead of the red shirt and brown vest he normally wore made him look too fat. It was tight and whenever he felt it rub against his body it made him hypo-aware of the way the shirt constricted him and what he perceived as his disgusting body. Now, he was wearing a large red pullover with his ultra-lose pants. He'd found it at the bottom of his closet, with the other lose clothes with hoods he wore before he got his watch. It was large enough the it gave him a bit of comfort knowing that no one could make out his body type.

He teleported into Scott's car out of habit and threw his backpack in the back seat while Scott climbed in and did the same before starting it up. When the car was running, however, it didn't move. Kurt looked over at his boyfriend, confused, before he noticed Scott moving in and was kissed on the lips. He blushed and closed his eyes, leaning in.

Kurt felt so nervous, but he couldn't force himself to pull away. He loved the the way Scott's lips felt against his. He lost himself in the feeling, and barely noticed as Scott pulled him in closer, practically lifting him up and over into the drivers seat, or really the drivers lap.

It wasn't until they both heard a loud bang that they separated. Kurt pushed away, while Scott did the same, and the combined pressure of both of them pushing sent Kurt straight into the window of the passenger side with a loud 'thump'. But both of the teens disregarded this at first, worried about the noise. Had someone seen?

When it became obvious that the noise hadn't been anyone looking in at them and Kurt was ready to feel the pain of being hurled into a car door. He rubbed his back with a low groan.

"Are you okay?" Scott asked.

"Fine." Kurt said, with a bit more bite than he meant. Why had Scott pushed so hard? Did he seriously think that he was so stupid he wouldn't move himself? "Let's go we're gonna be late."

"That sounded bad, are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes!" Kurt said, looking out the window. "Just drive."

Scott could sense the hostility in Kurt's voice and sighed, not sure whether Kurt was really okay or just saying so. He mentally chastised himself for tossing Kurt so hard, but he had been caught off-guard. He shouldn't have made a move while they were still in the institute, but he was starved for love. Kurt was avoiding him all the time, and Scott had no idea why.

At least today they were in the car together, even if Kurt was kind of pissed and they were both on edge from the sudden scare of being outed in a car. It was still better than being forced to be alone in the car with Jean, who seemed to be around a lot lately.

"Kurt?" Scott suddenly blurted.

"Ja?" the currently not-blue mutant asked back.

"I think... I think I want to come out. To everyone." He said, keeping his eyes on the road.

The pause was a little too long, and Scott gripped the wheel tighter. Kurt was never really quiet, until recently when he had to force words out of him from time to time. But this quiet felt worse than the usual 'I'm tired' quiet. Scott quickly spoke up again.

"I don't like having to hide whenever I want to kiss you."

"Well maybe you'd be less nervous if you weren't ready to chuck me across the car whenever there's a noise." Kurt said, crossing his arms.

"Sorry..." Scott replied quickly, than faded off. "But that's what I mean... I don't want people to find out because they walk in on us. I want to tell them."

There was a long pause again and then Kurt did speak up.

"Tell them you're bi or tell them we're together?" He asked tentatively.

There was another pause and Scott peeked over at Kurt. His face was bright, which either meant he was angry or he was blushing. Judging from the way he was scooting down in his seat, he had to be blushing, and he didn't look angry.

"I wouldn't force you to come out it you don't want to..." Scott replied. "If you don't want to, than I can just tell them about me, and they don't have to know about us."

Scott watched and Kurt lowered his body even more and his eyes moved towards the window.

"You should tell them." he said finally. "But not about us. I... I'm not ready."

The brunet nodded slowly, a little dismayed because that meant he still had to hide something, but he didn't want to force Kurt into anything. He parked the car by the school and sighed. Kurt looked down at the car floor and bit his lip, and Scott didn't know how to read this.

"We can talk about this more later, okay?" Kurt asked quietly.

"Sure." Scott agreed as he grabbed his bag. Kurt grabbed his as well and they walked into the school. Kurt immediately turned the wrong way to their first class.

"Bathroom." Kurt said simply, and ran off. Scott was left standing there, wondering if he should have just kept his mouth shut, but eventually turned to go to his first class.

Kurt, on the other hand, went straight to the bathrooms and locked himself in the handicapped stall. He sat down on the ground, pulling his legs in, and tried to consider what had just happened.

_'He wants to come out, but he doesn't want people to know about us...' _he thought, remembering the conversation. He analogized it closely_. 'He's too embarrassed. Scott is perfect. He's a perfectionist, and he's super-competitive... He'll tell everyone he likes men, but not... Not guys like me. Scott wouldn't want them to know. No way.'_

He lowered his head and took a deep, solid breath. There was no way he'd let himself cry in the middle of school. He refused, and instead he took a few deep breaths and kept his emotions inside_._

_'Once I'm actually thin, maybe... Maybe then he'll want me to come out too...' _he thought. _'Maybe. Big maybe... Which is worse, dating a pig or dating a freak? Either way it has to be a a blow to his pride.'_

Another deep breath, and Kurt stood up.

_'No matter what, dating one is better than dating both, right? Maybe if I'm **just** a freak, that will be better... somehow.'_

He grabbed his bag and stepped out of the stall. When he got to the sinks he splashed his face a few times and looked in the mirror. The sight was discouraging, as his reflection always seemed to be now. At least his first class was German, and he was good at it, obviously. Scott would be there, and maybe he could talk to him.

"_And what would I say?" _Kurt asked out loud, being alone. He had a habit of talking to himself since he spent so much time alone as a child._ "Ask him to wait a few months before he tells everyone about us? Wait until I've lost enough weight? Tell him I'm sorry that it's completely mortifying that anyone ever see us together?"_

He kept staring at his reflection, but he turned his head sharply.

"_He'll leave me. If I say all that... There's no way he'd stay with me if he knew that I know how fat I am..."_

He gulped and buried his head in his hands. Nothing would work. It was an impossible situation. Scott wanted to come out, and that was his choice. It's what Kurt wanted. He wanted Scott to tell everyone... But he had always hoped that when he did, then it would mean people would know that he and Scott were in a relationship. They'd been together for nearly a year, and Kurt wanted to tell everyone so badly... But not if it meant embarrassing his boyfriend. He wouldn't.

"_Damn it..." _Kurt finally mumbled as the bell rang.

He was late, and he still had no idea what to say to Scott after class. He adjusted his straps on his bag and ran out of the bathroom.

The mutant left too quickly to notice the door opening in the stall next to the one he'd been in. If he'd stayed, maybe he would have noticed a certain member of the Brotherhood of Mutants who had heard every private word he'd said.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry it's so short, but here's the next chapter at least! I actually have a 'plot' coming, other than the agnst going on right now. So stay tuned!! Reveiws are always appreciated!  
_


	5. Chapter 5

The More I Love You

Chapter 5

* * *

During class, all Kurt could think about was Scott, and what he said. It was a good thing his German class was a fly-by, or else he would have been in deep trouble when he totally blew off an entire class because he kept looking down at the ground thinking. His stomach growled painfully all class, and he was positive everyone could hear, and they'd all know it was his stomach growling, and then they'd all laugh at him...

When class was over, he went straight to Scott's desk, his mind completely made up. Scott was staring at him as he came over, but at least he was smiling. It occurred to Kurt than that Scott almost always smiled when he approached. That thought made his heart lighten a bit. Scott stood and started packing up his things (Scott never put his things away until after the bell, and Kurt figured this just proved what a boyscout he was dating) while Kurt spoke.

"Scott, I was thinking. About what you said earlier..." he muttered, as people were leaving, even the teacher who had lunch duty.

"Yeah?" Scott prompted. Kurt saw his boyfriends sunglasses move around the room, checking to make sure no one could hear.

"Maybe... Maybe if you just waited a month? Just one month."

"Why a month?" Scott asked. He stopped packing while he turned around. "What's important about a month?"

Kurt tried not letting his body show what his mind was thinking, but sub-consciously he crossed his arms over his stomach.

"Nothing... Nothing really..." he said, biting his lip. "I just need it... Is that alright? Please?"

Scott paused, but sighed and nodded.

"If you need it." he replied. "I'll wait. I don't mind. I'd rather we do it together than by myself."

Kurt smiled and looked around before hugging Scott. He was careful, however, to make sure his torso didn't make complete contact with his boyfriend.

"Thank you." he said softly with a large smile. This was what he needed. Just one month to lose as much weight as he possibly could. When he was done, even if he was still chubby, Scott would be able to see how hard he was trying and what a good job he was doing, and everything would be fine. "I'll make it worth it, I promise."

Scott smiled, assuming that this statement was just to be taken as Kurt's gratitude, not realizing the Kurt was being serious. When they pulled away, they both had separate classes to go to, but they still had the same lunch. With that in mind, along with their date later tonight, they didn't feel the usual sadness they both normally did when they were forced apart.

* * *

Lunch was the same murder it had always been for Kurt, but this time even more so. His promise to himself, and his silent promise to Scott, gave even more pressure to the young mutant to not eat a single bite. Not even the few he usually took when people were looking. He couldn't afford it. He met up with his friends in the hallway, and they were talking about a party. Kurt tried to tune-out the conversation thanks to a killer headache and got in line for the food behind Scott, with Spike trailing behind him.

Picking out his usual meal (Which Kurt now thought of as his 'fat pig everything'), he couldn't help notice Spike seeming to be staring at his plate.

"What's wrong?" he asked nervously, thinking that Scott must have been thinking he was taking too much. The only reason he took so much was so no one would make fun of him for not getting anything...

"Nothing..." Spike said, turning his head away, but Kurt heard the small mumble regardless. "Just wondering why you get so much when you barely eat..."

It was such a quiet mumble that Kurt knew he wasn't supposed to hear, but he did, and his whole body jolted. What did Spike mean by _that_? He'd always piled his plate up this high, even before when he actually ate it. Now if he _didn't_, everyone would joke about him or be 'worried' and ask if he was sick. Spike was one of the ones who always laughed about how much he ate in the first place! He had to keep piling his plate! It was the only way to keep people off his back! He was so glad Scott was already sitting down or he would have been mortified.

"I eat it." he said quietly. His head turned downwards and he glanced at the plate. Spike turned towards him.

"No, you don't." he said sternly. "You never do."

"I do too!" Kurt said a bit louder, defensive because Spike seemed so severe. Spike's response was a shake of his head.

"Right." was his only response as he circled around Kurt with his own tray with a medium serving. He didn't look back at Kurt, and this just made him even more worried, and then just a bit angry. Where did Spike get off saying anything about _his_ eating? It wasn't fair. Spike ate a ton every day and no one made fun of _him_.

_'He knows, though...'_ Kurt thought. _'If he tells anyone that he thinks I'm not eating, than they'll make me... They'll probably make fun of me for even wanting to lose weight... I have to prove him wrong.'_

With that thought in mind, Kurt grabbed his tray, his fingers feeling cramped and shaking, and paid for the food he knew he'd have to actually eat now, even though he didn't want to. He'd rather just run away, but if he did than Spike would know for sure.

The mutant sighed and tried to think. If he ate, he'd be starting off his new and improved diet with a huge meal that would probably cancel out all the work he'd done so far. If he didn't eat, Spike would either start making fun of him for not eating, or even worse tell everyone that he wasn't eating. No matter what he did, his life was ruined, and he was caught in a corner. It wasn't fair! On top of all that, Scott was _right there_. The fact that Kurt was able to sit next to Scott, usually a bright side to his day, made this situation actually quite worse. He hated the idea of Scott watching him eat, especially when he _just_ promised he'd get better. Maybe not in so many words, but Scott had to have knew what he meant, right?

But none of this seemed to matter at Kurt sat down, avoiding eye contact with Spike who was doing his best to do the exact same thing, so much so that he had his head turned away from his friend. The blue mutant (currently not as blue as usual) looked down at his plate and took a deep breath.

_'I'm sorry, Scott...'_ he thought dejectedly. _'You're going to hate me but... It's only because I have to. I'll fix it... I'll train twice as hard, and I won't eat after this, I swear...'_

Picking up the burrito he'd grabbed, having not actually been thinking he'd have to eat it, he looked over at Spike pointedly before even taking a bite. When he did, the flavor made him want to cough it right up. He hadn't had any real flavor for so long the spice hurt his eyes, but he covered it well and pretended it didn't hurt. It only took three bites and he hated how **good** it felt to fill his stomach. He didn't look up, at anyone, ashamed as he continued his meal, which was twice as much as anyone else at the table and probably three times the calories.

He was sure that the jokes would come any second, but it seemed like no one noticed. Kurt wasn't that optimistic, however. He knew what they were all _thinking_, even if they didn't say it.

He didn't even finish a fifth of what was on his plate, too humiliated already for eating in front of people. He wondered briefly when eating had become such a mortifying experience, but than just sighed.

_'It probably always **should** have been...'_ he thought. _'I just didn't know it.'_

Finally, after twenty minutes of the torture, the bell rang and Kurt was able to throw out the offending food and flee, not even saying goodbye to Scott, who he hadn't said a word to all lunch. He hadn't really spoken at all, too engrossed in his own thoughts. After he threw away the food he started to class without even looking back at any of his friends, practically running.

His thoughts where racing, filled with self-loathing. They had all been watching, probably laughing at him inside. Scott was probably disgusted, angry even, at his boyfriend. Why did Spike have to say anything? Why couldn't he have just kept his mouth shut and let Kurt do one thing to make himself a tiny bit less disgusting? It wasn't like he even _cared_. It was all a joke to everyone else.

He couldn't go back to class, not after that scene. His hands where shaking just enough to make him feel pathetic and he walked into the nearest 'Mens' bathroom he could find. It was empty, and he threw his bag into the stall before he even got in.

_'Spike, you jerk...'_ he thought, curling up into the same position he'd been in not two hours ago when Scott had dropped the 'coming out' bomb on him. Now this. It was as if whenever one thing had been solved, two more things had to pop up. And on top of it all, he had a stomachache from the spicy food he'd forced himself to eat to appease the tan mutant.

And then the thought occurred. Girls do it, don't they? He could get rid of most of it the same way that girls do and that would be the end of it. Less food in his stomach, less guilt on his mind, and he could just go to class... He looked down at his hands. Even though right now they looked human, he knew that there was no way his fingers would work the same way that a normal persons would. He'd need something else...

He reached into his bag, which had been cast aside over by the actual toilet, and reached inside. One time, right? Just this once to get rid of the big meal he'd had to eat, and then everything would be okay. He'd lose weight, Scott would be happy, his friends would be happy, and everything would be alright for once in his miserable life.

It took a bit of digging before he found his nice pen, the type the was smooth and made with metal. It would go easily down his throat and make him gag, just like a finger would have if he weren't such an ugly freak. His gaze moved downwards towards the tiles as he leaned over the bowl. The position felt weird, and totally wrong, but he ignored it and continued what he had to do. If he didn't, than no one would ever be happy. He'd be fat and miserable, Scott would dump him, and his whole team would hate him. They were the only friends he'd ever had in his whole life. He couldn't afford to lose them to something like this. He'd lost enough people he loved because of the way he looked without his watch. He wouldn't be able to handle it if he lost people for the same reason even with it.

The act was too gross to really describe. Even though he was in control of it, it was still vomiting up the Mexican food that burned his throat and mouth more when it came back up than when it went down in the first place. He had to force himself multiple times before he was even remotely satisfied, and even then he knew that it wasn't really enough. After several 'dry heaves', he looked down at the bowl dejectedly.

_'The rest must have already digested... On it's way to becoming another couple of pounds on my freak-show body...'_

He flushed the toilet and went to wash his hands, and the pen. He thought it was kind of weird and sick that he had to wash it, but he knew it worked better than anything else he could have tried, and as much as he wanted to just throw it away there was also the fear that he'd need to use it again. The thought brought him no joy, but there was a chance and he didn't want to risk not being ready if he did.

Just then, someone exited another stall, and Kurt turned around quickly. No, he'd _checked_. No one had been there!

"Didn't see me, did yah?" the dark-haired teen asked, with that smirk that he always seemed to have, especially when he was mocking someone. "You should have heard me come in, of course you did seem a bit... tied up."

Kurt took a step back and then ran out of the room, not wanting to even look at the boy, let alone make small-chat. He was half way down the hall before he realized that A) Lance wasn't chasing him, and B) He'd left his backpack in the bathroom. Neither of these facts seemed important at the moment, anyway... Instead of going back and risking seeing the Brotherhood member, he teleported outside, behind the gym where he and Scott always met. It was safe there, since no one knew about it... He sighed and sat down on the concrete, crossing his legs.

It was just like he thought earlier... One problem was solved, another few would come up...

* * *

**A/N: So I decided it was Lance the whole time! That lil' jerk, what's he planning? *Too hyper for her own good* I'm awake too effing early so this chapter got finished, and I still have an hour before my first class so you might see another chapter fairly soon! I hope you guys are enjoying the rush of chapters, I figure I owe you considering this story is so old and I just started showing a plot being involved and I've forgotten about it so many times.... XD**


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